jocelyn_ost

alive once again

2010-01-22T02:25:56Z

out of sudden.. in the past one year or so.. i felt like "journal-ling' again.
i hope i will be able to write down everything.. everyday..
it's not a great one year that ive spent after graduation.. im nt doing something tt i like and im obviously not utilising what ive learnt. maybe, its jus money and car that ive got.
feeling really bad these few days. struggling with my thoughts, my courage and my feelings..
i so much wanted to give up everything now.. and jus get a simple job out there... perhaps, then i will have my freedom to decide in everything.. however, i need really alot alot of courage to open my mouth and tell tt to my dad.. i dun bear to leave but i hate to stay!..
i think i need a break from everything..
i want to change from a fat, boring "auntie" to the cheerful, outgoing netball girl once again...

i cant believe i hate myself so much now..

something about my life now

2009-06-03T19:17:59Z

beeen reallly long since i last update my journal.
frankly speaking, besides working, i did nothing.
my workdays are almost 7 days a week..hours are so flexible that there is no fixed ending time.
but at least, the harder i work, the more profit i get,and that sounds great.
however, i miss my meet ups with all my friends.
its been long since i last meet up with any of my friends. except the graduation day, but its so messy and rushing. =(
hope eveyone is doing good..

six months has passed,
D and me bee n thru ups and downs. so much that are uncountable. but i believe all these help to strengthen our relationship.
he sacrificed his rest time to spend time with me while i do my sales.
due to my job scope, the time we spend togther, enjoying our time.. are much reduced... so the only way is to spend time together while i work..=)))

alrite, im going to catch my beauty sleepppp..=((((

its been tiring these few days.

2009-03-04T12:41:00Z

had a few tiring days..
and i need to take a good rest.. but dun seem to have the chance.to..
hais.

however, i still had a fruitful sunday..
went to natas travel fair..
and me and D is going Phuket in april =)))
a good relaxing trip before his sch starts..
and it wil be tiring for him alr.

i still have no idea on what im going to do... hais...
im only praying for my results. pls allow me to pass....

life is fragile... ...

2009-02-28T15:02:35Z

if only life isnt that fragile, if only death is not part of the life. it will be wonderful.
i dont have much to say.
im very sad...lost of words alr.
its too shocking that none of us can accept.
im afraid of facing death.. my own & others.

i know its a fact that everyone has to face and accept.
its jus a matter of time.
but this period of time will be very tough difficult to go thru..

i will try to be there for u girl.

finally

2009-02-24T13:06:22Z

exams are finally over, which means, no more mugging and overnight studying, at least for the next 2 years i suppose. andddd no more projectsss!!!!
=))
however, im still a little worried of the results.
if i dun pass.. then i will have to forward..module =((( scaryy..
at least until 18march.. i will assure that im able to get a dip cert.hehe

anyway, all i wan to do is work all the way and earn lots of money to cover my car petrol at least then slowly able to pay for the car's monthly instalment.. no need tpo depend on my daddy=)
give him less burden..

and D has been working very hard too.. all bcos of me=)
se him tired i also heart pain. but at least now pain...next time can enjoyy..

im more and more sick of stjames..
hmm.. no choice,.. hais.
only to work and buy what i want is my wish..
=p

a few more hours its our 3rd monthh.. smile smile =))))

thinking of what i should get for him..hmmm..
i know its last min.haha.

a short catch up

2009-02-05T20:06:58Z

last min met-up session with becca and steph last night was great.
~~we had~~ steph and me exchanged our "love" stories.. while becca is there.. as a listening ear..=)
and tt steph, as usual... want suggestion from ussss... but whatever it is.. its still herself.. to make the final decision..
years and years jus passed by like this.. and we are friends for the 8th year...sometimes, u can never believe it. how do we actually maintain such friendships. but i believe.. its all up to whether are u willing to maintain it. rarely meet up is fine, so long.. there are somewhere in our heart.. tht we have placed each other. its sufficient.=))

i had been real busy lately and didnt even blog bout my bday properly..
i love the present that becca and steph prepared for me. and the cake which is .... hmm... needs alot of improvement on that.. but i still love them and the effort they had put in jus for my bday. it so much more than i could expect.=))
loves my girls so much. very sweet girlfriends and i swear i would nv wan to lose them in my life.

happy

2009-01-22T16:38:59Z

seems like my blog has been closed for a long period of time

was too busy to even blog, or think about blogging.

as usual, it has been work n school...

time always fly fast when we are busy.

its jus weeks to our graduation. and our 3 years of poly life will come to an end

excited..and confuse too.

bcos i need to start wotking, no idea yet

hm. its almost 2 mths, its been really great.

we tok to each others whenever we feel there is a need to.

i do not bother about the past since its alr over. and doesnt concern me.

i love him for who is he at the present.=)

he is the very first bf who spent my bday with me and yes, i know he put up alot of effort jus for me. im grateful for what he has done for me.=)

sometimes, i wonder. isit jus fate that brought us tgt..
and certain things he jus know it, even ididnt mention anything.
and i can jus tear, whitout any reason at times. i duno why.
i know i look strong, but im nt as strong as how i look i am.
maybe as my colleague says, thats capricorn..=)
theres too many things, i cant put them into words jus like tt.
i know about the plan that he had for our future, i do not dare to think bcos im afraid it wont come true and i will be disappoint.
im happy and contented with what i have.......... =pppp

i jus cant wait for chinese new year. and the end of my sch!!!

i really really promise myself..
from feb onwards, i do not wan to spend on unneccessary stuffs.. this time is for real. and really start saving.
i hve zero savings for ur info..
=(((9

anyway, ive officially took over my dad's car! yeahh happy of cos and extra spendings every mth..hhmmm
and saw dad's new car. heh sat on it.hehe.. cool!=ppp

an early christmas with ash, my bestie. 20.12.08

2008-12-29T02:46:55Z

a gift exchanging day, a chill out say, a heart to heaart talk day=)
in jus few hours, its sufficient and it meant alot to me.
i love her so much that i know i cant lose her as my friend and i thanks her for showing unlimited care n concern on me=)

fated, yes?no?

2008-12-27T13:54:33Z

its been a long time since i last blog. and yes. i am really very busy...
3 weeks of hols was jus proj n work. except for 3 days of relaxation at kl:)

was wonderful.
due to the consecutive 3 days of insuficient sleep, i practically ~~concast~~ sleep thru out the journey to KL. without waking up at all.
was shiok, but dear has to tahan the pain, bcos he cant move at all.. i was lying on his legs.hahaaa.

reached KL, took a good bath.. then both of us went to explore our surrounding, leaving min n zy in their room bcos poor min has to do her proj.
but us, being nice, packet food back for them.. KFC there were great.hehe
after eating, full of energy.. we went shopping at BB plaza and SUngei Wang!!!
didnt buy alot bcos nth much catch our eyes.
then tt zy wants to club, so we walk and walk n walk.. to find out the clubbing areas..
went into this new club.. no one inside,`except for us, we bought sme drinks n went on the the beach club which is much more lively..
dear was high and almost drunk.haha
min was high too..
im slightly high.haahaa

second day was shopping again..
i didnt buy anything tt day but im happy bcos,all was for my boy. help him choose clothes and shoes, beautify him to be my handsome boy:PP

and he bought roses for me again.hehe
2nd roses alr.
happy:))

happy times always pass fast, ya so.. it was the 3rd day and was quick shopping at times square. and today, was my stuffs, and our stuffs:)
we spent money like water when we are in overseas.. aha.
600 sing in 3 days? a little crazy? but we are happy.so itsok!
lalala

kbox session on 9dec=)))

2008-12-14T15:25:02Z

start of hols.

2008-12-10T11:34:45Z

busy busy n busy
was all about meet ups this whole week,
once mst is over, work was the very first thing i did.=(
work and sleep is all i did.
tues, went to see car with daddy.. dragged from sun to tues cos i wasnt free=((
but at least, tues i did!
and daddy made his decision there n then.he bought camry!! yeahyeah. 2.4L. and he decided not to scrap the old ccarrr.. which means.. i the altis is for meee! hahaah! happy leh=))))))
daddy say wil pay the instalments for me, but petrol have to settle for myself and no money from daddy... soooo this means i have to cut down my expenses on shopping=(((. but all these will only start on jan? or maybe feb?heheee.
anyway im still happy cos i got car to drive.haha! and i wouldnt dare to drive his new car. scaryyy. so big.haha and so new.heh

after car viewing. went to meet kat, yong n qin.
went to kbox. again!
HAHAA
sang until i shiok then went back to amk to eat dinner and im home early for once.=p

but still, didnt sleep early either.was doing hrc research.omgomg. thurs must give teacher the draft report and im nt even done with any single word.hais.kill meeee.

woke up early in the morning to go tuition.haisssss
then head to town to meet dan n hui. and tong(supposedly, but last min cant come)
hui was late so me n dan went to shop around while waiting for her..
and we went to charles n keith. and i bought 4 pairs of shoesss.hahaaa. im happy with them!=))))
cos then i can apply for the charles n keith card that i long wanted it.
thanks to dan to add on to my total too!=)

then walked around.. then... went to ajisen to eat. when hui reached.
went to catch a movie,cape no,7.
\a complicating storyline that needs alot interpretation.haha
a long movie also. 2h15mins.

then went to far east to shop, i didnt buy anything there while hui did..
hahaa
then went to work at bar none, and where i am now.=((

i hope im right and trusted the right person.
duno why, i shed for u last night.
perhaps, my feelings for u had really deepen?
u assured me, yes. u did. but i do not dare to believe them totally.
its still early to judge
im loooking forward to the surprise that u going to give me on christmas=))))

jocelyn_ost @ 2008-12-02T21:32:00

2008-12-02T13:41:02Z

its been long since i last posted.
everything has been moving well.
but i do not dare to look at the 3 weeks term break in dec and january too.
its not going to be a good term break for me.
theres so many projects to be done. and so, so many projects discussion to settle.
i doubt i will have time to enjoyyy
=(((

my boy is really nice, and i think i should learn to appreciate his nice-ness=pp
small boy are really sweeter.
but sometimes have to tolerate his childishness..
hahaa
but i still know tt we wont last.. i duno why, but i jus know.
whatever, enjoying what is being blessed for meeee

one paper is down. and its not well done.
left with one more paper on thurs!
shall really work hard for tt!

jocelyn_ost @ 2008-11-20T04:07:00

2008-11-19T20:14:43Z

which is the best?
cos i need a new watch so badly..haha
all my watches are broken.
though i dun bare to throw away=)))

2009 good or bad?

2008-11-19T15:58:16Z

looking at 2009.
there are so many plans to be done for it.
recession has taken into effect.
and us, being the fresh grads in yr 2009. is a bad time. but its still up to individual to DECIDE whether to accept the job a not. its one's expectation afterall.

work? study? or both concurrently
still in decision
but still the grad trip to taiwan will be onnn=))))
im so looking forward to tt man.
i shall really start saving and work like shit in dec.
and all the angbaos i will be collecting for cny.yeahyeahs
all shall invest into taiwan=)))

and my bday plans.
i think i shall nt have any BIG celebrations for my this upcoming 20th bday. probably dinners with my friends and tts about it.
i shall save for my 21st.hehe
omg. im getting older.

on top of tt. looking at how busy i will be in JAn, i wouldnt have the mood to celeb also.
too many deadlines. and still compilinggg..
im scared.

so... i shall jus have a peaceful 20th bday

okay and i shall really STOP shopping for anything else. except for necessities.hehe
save all for CNY clothess!

i will officially start working in april i think..
so from now till mar, i will most probably be in stjames still. and chiong more moneyy. and go for hols!
hoorayyyy

counting to christmas, my bday, CNY, my last day of poly, my grad trip.. they are all great dates. and worth looking forward to.. and these dates are so closeeee.

i hope 2009 will be a good year for me.

a random post.

2008-11-15T20:07:12Z

please laugh!=PPPP
anyway he is my cute guy from china itp
its for meishyuan =0

random=)))

jocelyn_ost @ 2008-11-15T02:36:00

2008-11-14T18:38:36Z

i skipped sch on thurs and friday.once again..
i overslept.
even when i asked TWO peple to call me.. though ashika forgot bout it.. haha. i still cant wake up.
but thanks to G who tried to wake me up.
haha!
im such a goner..skipped so many lessons this sem. die die die..
okok. no more skipping of lessons from next week onwards!!!

i need my self discipline backkkkkkk!

mst is coming. and i still dun feel ive learn anthing in lessons.
projects on hand:
BD phase 3, HR challenge, BD phase 4, SM... and the list goes onnnnn...

HRIS test is jus in 2 weeks time!!!!!!!

i think i seriously need to plan my study schedule for the upcoming testssssss

okok now we shall think of what i shall get for myself as christmas cum birthday cum CNY!=)

a great family day

2008-11-03T15:55:40Z

sunday was fabulous although i was tired
only slept for 2 hours.
and we whole family headed down to singapore flyer
tts the very first time for ALL of us, and of cos, its great
the 30mins ride was short but memorable.
we love it so much
and the main objective is to give my dad a memorable bday=)
ashley girl enjoyed alot, haha
and ya, i love my family so much.

i nv wan to give up any chance to spend time with them
i love them so much..

wrong start

2008-10-22T01:25:05Z

perhaps its jus wrong to even start.
bcos u are jus nt the right one for me. and i jus know it from start.
but i tot things may change.
~~i tot even if u are nt the WOW guy, ~~but u will treat me nice.~~~~
but im wrong
after so many chances that ive given u.
it jus shows that u are nt even bothered.
so, after tt reply. i didnt even wan to reply u anymore.
i jus wan to see if u wan me back by calling me or msg me once again.
but u did not
its been days and almost a week.
so i shall take my decision as final. and it jus ended awfully.
i dun wan to think anymore.
bcos it jus make me mad.
now, i shall move on. and i jus know love relationship is jus not for me.
im so not a "i need a bf" person.
maybe, i jus need someone to be when im free and to care bout me when im so tired. to entertain me when im bored, to also be busy when i am.
am i too demanding? i think i am.
where on earth theres such a guy .HAHA

well, now sch has officially started. and i promise to do well this sem bcos its the last sem=p

my dad suggested to buy a new car.
but if he buys a new car, i wouldnt dare to drive his car anymore.
so should he keep his current car? and i try to pay part of instalment? haha. then he can buy his camry tat he wants it so much.haha. can see that.
so, i jus cant wait to get a full time job.

anyway anyhow.
i will get calls from u almost everyday.
im so afraid its a habit.
omg.
will the past happen again? im scared

a bad starting=a bad day

2008-10-10T19:26:51Z

work started bad.
first kana shouted a f cust for nth.
then kana shouted by a manager for nth also
for both, im nt at fault at all.
i hate it
i cant be shouted at.
i will tear. really.
so pls dun shout at me.
for nth esp.

anyway,work is ending and im cheering.

i promise myself to do bd later. and i will.

jocelyn_ost @ 2008-10-01T00:46:00

2008-09-30T17:04:38Z

im very confused bout which job should i give up.
st james or anna nucci.
ive a really bad job today at st james.
everything cock up and i feel so stupid...
the feelings is not good at all. i hate it.
i wan to master everything in st james. but it takes time....
i felt very hurt when ppl get frustrated with me.
i dun like it.
i feel im so useless.
i have no help at all and i hate comparison.
pls dun compare with anyone. i hate it.

should i tolerate for the next 2 to 3 months and get a higher pay or should i get the lower pay and stay a bit more happier?
in fact, im nt any happier at both.
hais.
i think i will opt for the higher income..

A DECISION TO BE MADE

2008-09-28T17:47:47Z

WELL, I THINK I NEED TO MAKE A REAL SERIOUS DECISION
TO QUIT ANNA NUCCI OR NO?
THE ANSWER IS TOWARDS A YES MORE?
BUT IS IT POSSIBLE?
I HOPE THINGS ARENT HARD FOR ME?
I THINK I WILL SEND MY BOSS AN SMS TML.
NOTICE PERIOD IS NEEDED, YA SO. BETTER BE FAST.
BUT I WAN TO SEE MY TIMETABLE. I HOPE IS GREAT. PLEASE.
HMMM.
I HAVE TO HEARTLESS THIS TIME ROUND. AND ANYWAY, I DUN LIKE THE WORKING ENVT ANYMORE SO YA, WHY NOT I JUS QUIT RITE,
ITS JUS A MATTER OF TIME ANYWAY.

ST JAMES HAS BETTER PAY, AND ITS SOMETHING NEW.HAHA.
BCOS IM IN ANNA NUCCI FOR 2 YEARS ALR. AND ITS GETTING BORED.
I JUS HATE TO DO SALES NOW, BCOS ITS COMPETITIVE AND TIRED.

a great 2008

2008-09-19T17:44:03Z

come to think about it, 2008 is a great year for me,
although the year has yet ended, ive come to a conclusion for this year.
ive gained and lost so much in this fantastic year.
there is no regrets to any decisions ive made.

take a look at what had happened to me in year 2008.
-went for China ITP, which gave a big opportunity to experience how China is like, or at least, how shanghai is like. and ive been to like bout 4 to 5 states or u call it cities? in China, which is great, isnt it? not forgetting tt, i've earned a bunch of fantastic friends in tt trip.

next, a wonderful shopping trip to bangkok with my sis and family. well, tts nt a big thing, but i still gained, bcos i didnt pay any cent for tt trip.

more to go..

i finally GOT my driving license. with the 4th attempt., but i still super happy with it, bcos IVE GOT IT. YEAH?

looks like everything is fantastic, ya? i told u.haha

and ya. i lost something tt is impt to me, well, i shall keep it as a secret.=p

finally, i went to US with my fav, ash. though nt jus the 2 of us. its a group of unknowns whom now are knowns. haha.
still the same, we made new friends once again. a superb shopping trip also..
the experience of it is undescribable.
the envt, disneyland, universal studio, all the IT companies.. make me wan to stay there even longer.
well, looks like im able to survive in both eastern and western counteries ya?
haha
tts great
though i need to work damn alot to earn back all the money that ive spent in US.. i never regret.
my only wish is to clear all my debts before sch reopens.
which seems to be a little impossible.anyway, i will try.

so isnt this year a great year for me?
it seems it cant get any better ya?haha=p

nt forgetting, i do meet someone who i kind of like? haha. although im nt really sure the situation.
nevertheless, its someone new.haha

jocelyn_ost @ 2008-08-23T01:27:00

2008-08-22T17:25:04Z

things are getting complicated. i duno when it starts, it jus started...

but i mean, there should still have a official question to spark it off ya? so im nt being childish rite.

hais, its so stressful, i dun wan to face all these, but its jus part of it.

i wish things could get simpler.

i really duno wats happening..

i tot of ignoring it, and like take it as wat it is. but isnt it a little dumb? i duno, but i still question back, and now im waiting for the reply, which i think i only get it the next morning. i hate to wait, but ive got no choice.. i wan to kill myself at this moment, so much..

bear with it for the next few hours, till he wake up.. hais.

jocelyn_ost @ 2008-08-21T16:50:00

2008-08-21T09:03:38Z

exams are somehow over.
jus a last paper on next wed, which i will only start mugging for it on mon=p

it was a miserable nite last nite.
i was really bored bcos was supposed to go out with someone, but he cant make it in the end,
and i cant really find anyone to go out with.
then waited for my cousin to come, till i fell asleep. haha. went to eat prata at thomson.
then head back.
and was damn tired. slept all the way till this afternoon, 1 plus. haha.

i was really crazy, i dont know wat am i doing, when i didnt reply ur msg in the morning, i didnt answer ur call in the afternoon. i dont know. then i msg u, and u didnt reply.
whats going on actually, i dont know.
wanted to let u knw im angry, but i think im crazy to be angry.
wtf

alrite, i drove around this afternoon.
drove to serangoon garden to eat sushi teh with my sis and her family.
then drove to hougang mall to collect my driving license. which i so much wanted it. and now, i finally have it.
need to celebrate=p
then, head to amk to fetch my mum.and we head to buy a cake for ashley who turned two today.
its really fun to drive around like this=)
yup, im going to drive to my tuition place later. =p
i realise,i need cars beside me to serve as a guide for me to park. haha.=)

driving skills comes with experience, seriously.
my happy days are going to end soon.
bcos im starting tedious work tml.

jocelyn_ost @ 2008-08-11T22:04:00

2008-08-11T14:34:01Z

things are so unpredictable.
jus heard a news, my ex colleague alr have a baby of 5 months.
its so unexpected,and is her,
inm shocked.
didnt expect. shes only 21.
i tot she wont marry young. but still she disappoint me. hmm, out of words,

i realise i cant take it when someone shows concern to me, i will tear.haha. i duno why.
i dun understand myself..
no one actually able to understand me also,
how to, when i dun even understand myself.

my boss tok to me, when he know i have another job,
its out of concern i know,
i cant blame u if u are worried bout my job performance, i understand, tts bosses.
and actually u dun understand me, u said u do, i didnt reply, bcos im lazy. its nt u really know me.,
my sales have nt been good is not bcos of my other job, its bcos i theres no crowd, and also i gt no mood for sales.
im no more like the past, tt aggresive in sales. i dun like to fight with ppl, its tiring u know.
and for sure, i cant and i never will quit my this job for ur sake., i know my limit.
if i cant tahan, i will do something.
i truly thanks that my bosses are really nice to me,

im in debt now.hope i can earn back the money before i leave for US,
theres a reason why i work until so hard this month,
though im kind of ignoring my exams.
but i try to study...